Blorange is the new How Do Glasses Work?

laura prepon orange is the new black hotness

I binge watched Orange is the new Black this week. I won’t provide any spoilers, but I do have one thing to say. Is Laura Prepon’s character, Alex, supposed to be long sighted, or short sighted? Because she quite often pushes her glasses up into her hair when she’s talking to people, which implies that she is longsighted, and perhaps only needs her spectacles for up close viewing. But when her glasses are broken the fuzzy camera work tells us she cannot see at a distance. Which means she’s short sighted. But short sighted people don’t take their glasses off when they’re talking to people.

inexplicable hotness

What should happen when she pushes up her glasses is her eyes should go all squinty and she should look like a rat that just got a whiff of cheese. Instead, she just looks hotter. It’s not fair. I demand a reckoning. Or more Laura Prepon scenes. Because there really aren’t enough.

Oh, and I updated Lesbia…

Unleashed! A New Lesbian Love Story

I said I was writing new F/F stories. This is an excerpt from the beginning of Unleashed! a story which exists due to the inspiration provided by DD. Thank you, DD 🙂

Here’s an excerpt, for your eyes:

“I could eat her. I could eat her like a potato.”

Blue eyes were fixed on the yoga pant clad rear of a woman who was deep in the process of ordering a berry smoothie. No sugar. No fat. No carbs. No dairy. Just blended ice and a hint of something that should have been fruit, but wasn’t.

“What are you? I don’t…” Marilyn pushed her shades up to give her friend the benefit of a harsh scowl. “You need some carbs already.”

“No!” Tina shook her head. “Carbs are sugar. Sugar is bad for you. It’s a poison. It’s a stimulant. It’s an oxidant.”

“You know what causes oxidation? Oxygen. You gonna stop breathing?”

Tina held her breath for a good twenty seconds, went beet red, then let it all out in a stream. “I can’t maintain that lifestyle,” she said, panting for air. “It’s about lifestyle choices, you know? I’m going to style my life new.”

Marilyn nodded, less than impressed. Tina was caught in the grip of another one of her fads. Hopefully this time it wouldn’t involve shoving her piano around the apartment until she decided the Shui was Fenged to her satisfaction.

“I should go on a cleanse,” Tina said. “Maybe a juice fast. I hear they have super fast juice fasts now. You go in, get your juice and it only takes half an hour.”

“Isn’t that just… juice?”

“No!” Tina’s brow would have crumpled if it had been able to move independently of her skull. “You don’t understand these things, Marilyn.”

“I suppose I don’t,” Marilyn agreed, finishing her full-fat full-flavored milkshake. She tossed a stray fry to Pico. The long haired tan chihuaua growled at it, skipping in angry dog circles around the fallen snack.

Did Someone Say Magical Spanking Witch?

This source of magical spankings comes not from me, but from Devlin O’Neill, whose latest spanking fairy tale novella has just dropped, complete with a formidable female top in the form of Mother Hibbard. This book does contain both F/F and M/F spankings, but I had to mention it on account of how much I enjoyed the Sourceress (not a typo) Mother Hibbard.

sourcerers apprentice spanking book

Review:

The Sourcerer’s Apprentice represents another step into the world of Neverwasnia, a fantasy realm very much like our own, save for being inhabited by witches and pixies and werewolves and other mythical creatures that make themselves altogether a little too at home in what seems to be an otherwise mundane world.

This tale of magic and spanking from Devlin O’Neill not only distinguishes itself by merit of his fantastic modern fairy tale writing style and brilliant world building, but by containing one of the most interesting top figures in all spankydom in the form of Mother Hibbard – a sourceress to be reckoned with.

But that’s not all! There’s also a temperamental artist with a talent for capturing a girl’s bottom along with her soul, a dastardly doctor with a plan for bringing down Mother Hibbard and all her apprentices and Tabitha, dear, sweet, innocent apprentice Tabitha. What ever shall become of her and her little squirrel familiar?

Hot bottoms, warmed hearts and surprises aplenty lie in store for all those who dare peek inside to find out just what Mother Hibbard has in her cipboard, er, cupboard.

There’s no witches without itches, but this book scratches all of them.

And, a review from our very own DisneyDyke!

Mother is truly truly a most charismatic toppy yet laid-back lady and her girls are surely very loyal apprentices and friends. I also liked the secondary characters, such as the bratty and vain yet endearing model, the temperamental artist and even the detective and his doggie (really, I quite liked the role animals played in this tale). I can’t say I loved the baddie of this novella of course, but I surely loved to hate him and his gang and I loved that they got exactly what they deserved.

Read a sample chapter and get the book here!

Yes She Can: Helen Clark at TED

Mouyte. It’s a Neuw Zilandor, mouyte. Ex-Prime Minister and now Administrator of the United Nations Development Programme, Helen Clark. I ran into her in a mall once. Unexpected lunchtime highlight there. She’s got a lot to say about the importance of ladies in leadership roles. Worth a watch.

Lesbia’s Sunday Updates

Whilst I am working on editing Lesbia, which is the super not fun end of the job*, I’ve decided that we should have once weekly Lesbia updates, to reward me for ploughing through the entire manuscript, and to reward you all for sticking around whilst I do it 🙂

First update will be this Sunday, hold on to your pointy hats!

(*I mostly just stare at the screen and groan, which doesn’t help a whole lot.)

Spank Me Now

Her spanker is reading the morning paper, attention fully given to the news stories of the day.

She does not like this. She has passed back and forth across the room, humming to herself. She has toyed with her spanker’s ornaments and she has made remarks about the weather that have earned her little more than a nod. Now she goes to her hands and knees, crawling across the couch until she is able to nuzzle the paper out of the way and present her panty clad bottom.

“Spank me,” she demands, lifting her hips with a wriggle she knows makes her bottom shake in a way her spanker cannot resist.

Read more…

Pupdate

Oh my god. That thing where a puppy sees you and starts wagging its tail and then it gets the full body wag on and then it runnnns toward you at the highest speed it has, but it is still wagging so it has a sort of helicopter butt effect as it runs. It’s the cutest thing in the world.

EDIT: A proper pupdate is in order, I think. One of the foster puppies found a home, and the other is going to live with us for ever and ever. That means we have four dogs, but one of them is really small, only really 1/8th of a dog, so it’s really 3 and one eighth dogs, which is totally reasonable and also awesome.

The puppy we’re keeping is the sweetest little dog I’ve ever had. She’ll snuggle with anyone. She had her booster shot the other day and afterward she immediately attempted a full body snuggle complete with neck nuzzle with the vet. If, at any time, she spies an open lap, she will immediately curl up in it and fall asleep. Sometimes it’s not even a lap. Sometimes someone might lay down to try to take some pictures and she might decide that their butt makes a nice bed.

butt bed

Spanked And Squirming

Standing in the corner, she wriggles whilst remaining still.

It’s quite a trick.

Her hips sway, the curve of her cheeks moving like a metronome. Sheer mesh panties reveal the blushing of her bottom, the consequence of a palm landing repetitively across her flesh, which was the consequence of something else.

“Stand still, please.”

The order comes softly. There is no need to speak loudly, not when the penitent has already obediently slipped into the corner.

Read more…

Shiny New Kindle Edition of MotoBrat

ther renard

EDIT 8/11: Cheers and thanks to everyone who picked up a copy of MotoBrat, we’ve broken into the Top 100 Lesbian Fiction eBooks on Amazon!

Welcome to this shiny new covered kindle edition of MotoBrat, a first person tale of a rebellious biker brat and the dominant woman she manages to attract through a sustained campaign of very misguided brattery. The new edition is pretty much the same as the old edition with minor edits, so if you have the old edition, you’re still good. If you don’t have it, you might find that you want it.

This was written back in 2010, which is about a decade ago in writer years. As I was re-editing it, I found myself surprised by how emotionally raw this story is in parts, and how warm it is in others. It’s odd, of course, but all my stories inevitably are. If you’re hanging about these parts, I assume you can put up with a fair amount of oddity.

Also, as a side note, I was thinking I might take a break from Lesbia and write some all new, all original F/F stories. Lesbia wouldn’t go anywhere, it would still be there, all 120k-ish words of it, and I’d no doubt return to it at a later date. It just seems to me that there hasn’t been a whole lot of innovation happening around here lately. And we need innovation. It stops things from getting that musty smell.

Excerpt:

I love the sound of boots on linoleum. In my time as the checkout girl at Barbara’s Duck n’ Dive, I’d heard plenty of them. As was my wont when I heard a particularly alluring pair, I turned from my task, which happened on this occasion to be restocking the cigarette cartons and looked first at the boots, then at the woman who wore them.

The boots were well tended thick matte leather with a short heel – boots you could ride all day and night in. As my eyes ran up the length of their owner, I saw that she was also well tended in leathers over pressed dark jeans. Under her leather riding jacket she wore a checkered shirt that hung open just enough to reveal a hint of cleavage. She was tall for a woman, with flaxen blonde hair that hung shaggily about her shoulders and a thousand mile stare that went right through me to the neatly lined up packets of cancer sticks behind.

“Can I help you, ma’am?” I smiled brightly, pushing my short dark hair out of my eyes.

“Pack of 20’s,” she stated in a slow drawl native to the southern states, not taking her eyes off the cigarettes for a moment as she tossed a twenty dollar note down on the counter.

I was mildly offended. Here I was, smiling obsequiously and waiting to serve her every whim, and she wasn’t even looking at me. I wasn’t a person to her. I was part of the scenery, a fleshy automaton and nothing more. I hated customers like that, people who seemed to think that I existed only to serve them, and that the slightest polite courtesy was too good for a mere minion like me.

Maybe it was because she was hopelessly addicted to the ‘baccy. Maybe she was preoccupied with something else. Maybe it was because she was probably an older professional woman with just enough time left to ride on the weekends and I was little more than a college drop out keeping a roof over her head and gas in her tank by slinging jerky and tobacco.

Whatever the reason, I decided that I was going to teach her a lesson she wouldn’t forget quickly.

“I’m afraid that won’t be possible, ma’am.”

Bam. The gaze was on me now. Seeing me for the first time. Her visage twisted in irritation. Yeah lady, that’s right. I exist. How you doin’?

“What do you mean?”

I kept my expression composed as I answered her, letting no sign of the deep mischief I was perpetrating show through in my face. “You’re supposed to be quitting, ain’t ya?” I wasn’t from the South, but I put a hefty dose of the accent in my reply.

Her expression of surprise was priceless. Her lips parted, but no words came out. I knew she was wondering how I could possibly know such a thing.

“How…”

“You promised you’d quit.” I smiled seraphically as her confusion grew more intense. After a moment or two more of open mouthed staring, she grew resolute.

“Just give me the cigarettes, kid.”

If I had been temped to give her the cigarettes, her casual use of the diminutive ruined all chance of that.

“Not possible, I’m afraid, ma’am.” A madness had gripped me. I’d played games like these before, but I’d never gone so far as to actually deny a customer what they wanted. Barbara certainly wouldn’t be pleased if she caught me at this game.

Now the woman’s eyes were narrowed on me. She looked like the sort of lady who usually got what she wanted, whether it was a girl for the night, or a pack of cigarettes to take on a ride. Being denied what she wanted wouldn’t just displease her. It would confuse her.

After taking my measure for a few moments longer, she surprised me by relaxing and actually gracing me with a smile of genuine humor that made the fine lines at the corner of her eyes crinkle with warmth. She placed both her palms on the counter and leaned in towards me. “Alright kid, you got me. Good trick. Now hand ’em over.”

Biker chicks usually smelled like grease and sour sweat. This woman smelled of leather conditioner and vanilla, a surprisingly heady mix. I was tempted to do what she asked, really I was. But I was committed to a course of action now, and to sell her cigarettes would be to undermine my entire point.

“I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t know what you mean by trick.”

“You want to keep playing this little head game, huh?” Her expression had darkened again, but not with the same blank annoyance as before. Now she looked very much like she’d enjoy the game as much as I did if we kept on playing.

Get MotoBrat on Amazon!

The Girl From A.S.S

I have a new spanking story available on Amazon! It’s called ‘Corporate Discipline’ and yes, it is M/F. I figure seeing as plenty of the visitors here are of the bispanksual persuasion it would not be entirely out of line to mention this latest effort of mine – even though it doesn’t contain any F/F spanking. It does, however, include office discipline, erotic interludes and puerile acronyms.

corporate discipline cover smallAll ladies need a good spanking.”

Ryan Rees is the third best broker at Associated Synergy Syndicates, a company listed on the NASDAQ as ASS. ASS is no typical brokerage. It is run by a singular man, Mr Charles Benedict, a man who puts his success in the corporate world down to employee discipline. This discipline takes many forms, but in the case of female associates is usually given in the form of spankings, typically delivered over the CEO’s knee.

Ryan doesn’t understand why Mr Benedict insists on spanking his employees and for the past three years she’s gone out of her way to avoid his disciplinary attentions – but her luck is about to run out.

Click here to read a sample of Corporate Discipline on Amazon and / or to buy the ebook!

Outages and Poutages

There apparently was some downtime whilst I was asleep, and it looks like there could be more afoot according to this article. My sites, along with many hundreds of thousands of others live in Utah, and having recently been migrated to a new server, appear to have been up and down like a ping pong ball for the last few hours. I’ve no idea if this issue is fixed, as Hostgator is currently suffering the wrath of the masses, but here’s hoping!