PT 29: What Is Love?

“Yes,” you admit softly. You don’t know how she knows this stuff about you, but you’re glad she does. There’s more to it though. She’s told you she’s doing this because she thinks you need… what, exactly? When you’re with Terra, you want more than you can have, and that’s a sweet kind of torture, even now, held on her lap and gazing into her beautiful eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, ma’am,” you say. You don’t want to risk saying more and having Terra reject you completely. It’s not like you’re in love with her. Well, not like *that*. And you’ll tell yourself that as often as you need to in order to keep things working with her.

Time is slipping by, and you know that this interlude is about to come to an end. You look at her, wishing you could speak, tell her what is deep in your heart, but your head blocks you as the seconds tick by.

“I’m confused,” you finally mumble.

“It is late, and you’ve had a long day,” she says. “I think you should get some sleep, cadet.”

You want to cling to her. You want to beg her to take you to bed with her. But you can’t.

“Okay,” you say, your eyes welling with unbidden tears. You lower your head and try to blink them away, but Terra has already seen them.

“Cadet,” she says firmly, yet somehow gently. “Something is wrong with you, and I want to hear it.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

She speaks sharply. Sharply enough that you lift your head to look at her.

“I’m not lying,” you say hesitantly. “I’m just confused. I mean… you said I need something. I don’t even know what that something is. I don’t even know… what this is… You told me what it isn’t… but that leaves… everything else in the world.”

“This is exactly what it feels like,” Terra says, explaining nothing. “You like being here with me, don’t you, cadet?”

“Yes,” you agree. “But I don’t want to go away.”

As soon as you make that admission, you feel a blush sweep over your cheeks. What are you doing!?

Terra smiles warmly. “Well, cadet, you have to go to sleep sometime,” she says. “Any later than this and you’re risking being late in the morning again.”

You know that. But none of that is the point. The point is you don’t want to leave her lap. With Terra you don’t just feel aroused. You feel safe. Alone in your dorm, you still feel safe, but it’s a different kind of safe.

“I’m going to be here in the morning,” she reminds you gently.

You nod. Morning feels very far away as you slide slowly from her arms and pull your pants back into place. For a little while, you were a simpler version of yourself, sitting soft and treasured in the arms of the woman who makes you feel things no other woman ever has. With your uniform back in order, you’re a cadet again – and Terra is your instructor.

“Goodnight, ma’am,” you say, fighting the feelings.

“Goodnight, cadet,” she replies. You imagine that there is a look of longing in her eyes as you turn and leave. Back to the dorm. Back to your room mates. Back to the chaos of cadet life, leaving this little oasis of sensuality and calm behind one more time.