As far as I can tell, the readers of Sappho’s Brats spend their days ripping off road signs and bouncing in and out of the cells like kangaroos on crystal meth, so I’ve taken the liberty of installing a pay phone in the lobby so you can call your parole officers.
What have I been up to whilst you’ve all be undermining society as we know it? I finished the final Finn the Devourer e-book, which can be found sometime this month on Spanking Romance, or, if things go as intended, purchase around Halloween with the first two novellas as a print book published by Blushing Publications. I’ll keep you informed on that, and where the cops are as further information comes to hand.
So, without further ado, more story for the taking.
At the news you’re going to spend the next five years laboring in some fashion, you burst into tears. What was the point of applying for all those grants and enrolling in Basket-Weaving 101 if you were just going to end up laboring like everybody else? The idea of working for the next five years fills you with such horror that your shoulders shake as your tears roll down your cheeks and you hiccup with pitiful half-sobs.
“But, I didn’t do anything!” you cry.
The guard observes you impassively. “The Queen says otherwise and the Queen does not lie.”
“But… but I can’t remember anything! Surely I cannot be sentenced if I can’t remember anything?”As you plead with the guard, her cold, thin lips quirk with some kind of emotion. It could be amusement, or it could equally be gas, if gas were an emotion, which it almost is really. “You will be sent to the piggery on the morrow to begin your sentence. Thank the Queen’s mercy that you will not languish in prison for the duration of your sentence,” she says sternly.
“Woe!” You cry, falling into a faux-faint on the floor. It hurts more than you thought it would, and you yowl as you hit the deck, ruining an otherwise perfect fake faint. Keeping your eyes mostly closed in case she fell for it anyway, but peeking through the eyelashes of your right eye, you see a darkly amused expression on the guard’s face.
“When the cock crows, your new life will begin,” she announces. Then she closes the door and locks you back into your little cell for an entertaining evening of bemoaning your life and gnashing your teeth. You cast about with your arms, madly flailing at the door like a puppy left in its crate.
“Quieten down, or I’ll give you a reason to wail,” the guard’s harsh voice comes suddenly from down the hall, stopping you mid-flail.
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I always know it’s going to be an especially awesome story installment if your intro before the story has me grinning so wide my face feels like it’s gonna crack. You are so inventive! No one shows more creativity when making tongue in cheek comments..or perhaps it’s the other way around *grin* No one is more cheeky when being imaginative?
Only you, Loki.
I daresay, I don’t care for the guard’s tone. There’s no need to threaten like that..she’s getting a bit grating isn’t she? All these restrictions..No phone calls, no lawyers, no food, no memories, no debating one’s sentence, no fainting, no sympathy, and now no crying?
I must learn this fake fainting trick..how do you avoid sustaining head injuries? Or perhaps that’s what’s wrong with the guard. Or why we have amnesia. This isn’t some sort of fugue state is it? I always thought that was what was wrong with the Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland..fugue state. The poor chap.
Celine
Loki Reply:
August 8th, 2010 at 10:18 am
I don’t care for the guard’s tone either. She’s all, like, guarding and shit. What’s up with that? She needs to mellow the hell out, and get some therapy for that restriction fetish, that’s what she needs to do *grins*
I guess you faint like that by not going down head first, or better, fainting gracefully sideways, like a lady in a gothic novel.
Glad you’re still enjoying the game, Celine.
Awesome baby! I fancy the guard already – what’s up with that?!
Loki Reply:
August 8th, 2010 at 8:37 pm
Hm… from the sounds of things it may be that you have an attraction to authority. *nods* Best see a doctor about that.
What the hell? no sympathy!!! no food!!! Piggery? This prison is evil.
*horrified look*
Loki Reply:
August 8th, 2010 at 8:45 pm
It’s prison, cutey, not a five star hotel
Ah, I see from the voting that the brats are finally getting restless and stirring! *bg*
I loved the “gas is almost an emotion” line! *LOL* Yes, I have had that kind of gas. In fact, someone told me the awful pain in my stomach was some kind of kundalini energy. *shaking head*
I also love the “puppy left in its crate” line. Some RL experience there, Loki?
Alyx Reply:
August 8th, 2010 at 5:38 pm
Whoops, forgot a P.S.:
Woo-hoo on finishing Finn! *high five* That’s great news, and there will actually be a hardcover book coming out?! Fantastic!! That Finn series must really be taking off. Maybe one day I’ll have a Loki Renard book on my shelf* with your picture on the back cover? And if you don’t want to show your face, any other body part will do. In fact, I have some suggestions if you want.
*Or actually, considering the subject matter, more likely hidden in the nightstand with the rest of my wank material**. Heheheheh.
**I know, I know — TMI. Sorry.
HAL Reply:
August 8th, 2010 at 6:28 pm
*Or actually, considering the subject matter, more likely hidden in the nightstand with the rest of my wank material**. Heheheheh.
I am shocked at such comments Alyx! There are Brits on this site you know, prim and proper types. Thought you were way more classy than that half pint
Mackenzie Reply:
August 8th, 2010 at 6:57 pm
Ooooh, half pint. You’re askin’ for it Lady
Alyx Reply:
August 8th, 2010 at 8:56 pm
I know very well about the Brits on the site, HAL. I used that term especially for them! *g* I don’t think it’s any coincidence that you “prim and proper” types are where I learned the terms “wank” and “wanker” to begin with, do you?
That revelation was a departure for me, though, I do agree. I think reading those Bucket stories has coarsened me. *bg*
Now, as to that “half pint” comment — do you really want to see how easily you are bent over my knee, young lady? Because I guarantee you it can be done with very little trouble. And your height won’t make any difference to how quickly your bottom marks, I assure you.
Hal Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 6:38 am
Although I know you wouldn’t really do that to me, right?
Alyx Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 3:57 am
I wouldn’t really spank you? Young lady, nothing would give me greater pleasure! *thinking about that* Well, few things would give me greater pleasure.
But here, first I owe YOU an apology. You (and Sb) and anyone else I may have offended with that “w*nk material” comment.
I have been reminded that, simply because I think I know the meanings of certain words does not mean I know how to use them. Because they weren’t a part of my culture growing up, the shock value associated with them escapes me. It’s not the first time I’ve gotten myself in trouble using certain phrases, and you’d think I’d know better after the first time. *shakes head*
So in the interests of fairness I will taking Mackenzie’s suggestion and washing out my mouth* with soap. And more importantly, I will be more careful about flinging around phrases which are not native to me. Sorry about that!
*Of course, since I typed these words rather than spoke them, I’ve decided to wash my hands with soap instead. But rest assured the penance is not undertaken lightly. *nods earnestly*
HAL Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 3:35 pm
You would ‘enjoy’ spanking me. *shakes head* And I thought we were friends
I was not offended in the the least. I have been known to use a few anglo saxon expletives on pretty much a daily basis. If it meant I had to wash my mouth out with soap each time – well – eek!
I will stop with the half pint comments now then. I just thought it went with your snuggly wuggley cuddley or whatever it is, personality!
*Runs away in a big chicken brat way!*
Mackenzie Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 11:36 pm
*whispers* It’s snuggly wuggly teddy bear.
Alyx Reply:
August 11th, 2010 at 4:10 pm
We are friends. The kind of friends who spank. *g* So you can run but you can’t hide, missy. You know, I do intend to visit England again one day.
As for you, Mackenzie, I’ve always wanted to visit Canada again too. *g*
Mackenzie Reply:
August 12th, 2010 at 1:21 am
Oh you don’t want to do that. It’s cold here. Cold and snowy. We all live in igloo’s. You’d need to invest in a parka. They’re very expensive, you know. Eh?
Loki Reply:
August 8th, 2010 at 8:45 pm
Thanks Alyx, sooner or later there will be a print book, if Blushing doesn’t publish the Finn series, I’ve been thinking about tidying up Rebel Princess, Rebel Priestess and Rebel Revelations (when it is done) and putting them out as a print collection.
As for body parts on covers, well we shall have to see.
Florrie Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 2:52 am
yay! am loving the finn series and I bet it would have a COOL cover, body parts or no. but rebel would be nice too.
um…however…if you’re “tidying up”…can you maybe fix the part where in the second book Kai has a long conversation with Lucy about Rael’s baby but then in the third book she’s totally surprised to see the kid? unless i read it wrong. which is possible. *with long editorial practice, hides from possible wrath of author*
Loki Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 3:02 am
*coughs* I’ll be addressing those minor inconsistencies, yes.
Though, in my defense, the third book doesn’t actually exist yet. It’s only been posted as a free series online, and these inconsistencies do seem to be a problem when you write books as a series like that.
I probably won’t be posting free series in that fashion anymore. It is too easy to get caught up in a quick posting schedule and forget what went on months ago.
Thanks for pointing out the error.
I sense some escapery action ahead … well, an attempt anyway. This spanking story game is fun
It’s too bad the guard didn’t fall for the fainting trick. I would have voted to bite her ankle when she came over to check, if she had.
“…Brats spend their days ripping off road signs and bouncing in and out of the cells like kangaroos on crystal meth,…” I’ll have you know the only jail cell I have ever been in was one I intentionally broke in to, thank you very much. Well, actually, the cell was already open, it was the jail we broke into… (It had been closed down so no one was home). Ah, fond memories of my juvenile delinquency. Those were the days
And I’m sure you got up to your share of no good, Loki. Hmm? Or perhaps your inner brat was a late bloomer.
Congratulations on your book
I’m not familiar with this story, though 
… I shall go attempt to educate myself now.
Loki Reply:
August 8th, 2010 at 8:47 pm
Moi? I’ve never done anything of any consequence *shakes head* no. I’m terribly boring. Fortunately you and your bratling friends have antics aplenty to entertain us with
HAL Reply:
August 8th, 2010 at 8:56 pm
‘cept me. I’m boring. I only do the irritating brat thing – you know the one where there is no creativity. At least that means I don’t make it onto Loki’s radar
Mackenzie Reply:
August 8th, 2010 at 11:51 pm
I don’t believe you >:/
I’ve heard rumours ;:)
(I’ve decided this ;:) is the raised eyebrow face)
Alyx Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 12:59 am
*LOL* I’m glad you cleared that up…I thought it was a typo! I was thinking this was the raised eyebrow /:-|
But then I guess that person needs to pluck. *g*
Would you mind telling me what this is –>
>:)
then?
Is that your hair spiking up? Or your eyebrows? Or…? I’m behind the times when it comes to this net-speak stuff.
Mackenzie Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 1:11 am
LOL. Um yeah, the unibrow takes away from the scary
*Evil grin* >:)
I call this the *uh oh* O_o or O.o
(Like if you know someone’s in trouble.) No idea what it’s actually called.
*grimace* :/
Like ohh HAL, you’re really gonna get it :/
*crying* :,( or =,(
Alyx Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 4:09 am
Ohhhh, so those are horns! Now I get it.
And I’m so glad you explained this one: O_o
I knew it was a trouble symbol but I couldn’t figure out why having one eye bigger than the other expressed trouble! *LOL* I see now it’s not a face but simply the audible expression. *rolls eyes*
I wonder how many other things I’ve been assuming are completely incorrect???
Yeah use me as the example Mackenzie!
I didn’t know about all these symbols either. Thanks for clearing that up!
Mackenzie Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 11:51 pm
Hehehehehe. I can’t for the life of imagine why I would have thought of you as an example >:)
HAL Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 3:37 pm